April 21, 2018

Child, where is your faith?

It's 4 months through 2018 already? Did I accidentally step into a Tardis and wind up here? Nope, I definitely went the linear way through time. It was a very slow and difficult process known as nursing school.
I found that I could not write while in nursing school, even on our two week breaks in between semesters. The negativity and anxiety would have been bound to show through my words, both of which are not of Christ. It was a daily battle to keep positive and to defeat anxieties. I never knew I had such anxiety problems, but nursing school can do that. 

When I began in January 2017 I was 99.9% convinced I would not make it. I was not smart enough, I was not disciplined enough, I was not experienced enough, and I was not old enough. Oh how God proved me wrong every single productive night of studying, every single day of clinical in which I received positive reviews, every single exam I made the impossible score I needed, every semester when I passed all my classes, and now at the end of it all when I have completed all my courses and am due to graduate in May. God did it every single time to every one of my needs. For a whole year. For a whole (approximately) 56 exams. 

The fascinating aspect, is now is the only time God has answered no to a prayer. My personal goal was to have a nursing job by graduation. It is a realistic goal, it happens to about 50% of the graduation class according to one of our advisers. Despite my 4 interviews, and 8 applications, no job offer. It was tempting to have my faith rocked by this. How like a jar of flesh to forget all God has done so far and have a long long cry drenched in self-pity, instead of  just grabbing my Abba's hand in total confidence trusting He has a perfect plan. 

The goal of this season is to not become like the Israelites when they reached the promised land. Moses sent spies into the land to scout it out. Upon their return the spies reported, "It flows with milk and honey, and this is its fruit. However, the people who dwell in the land are strong, and the cities are fortified and very large. The land... is a land that devours its inhabitants, and all the people that we saw in it are of great height... and we seemed to ourselves like grasshoppers.." (Numbers 13:27-28; 32-33). In response the people "raised a loud cry, and the people wept that night." (Numbers 13:1).

God's response to their doubt was to consider it as despising Him, and God called them out on their unbelief despite all the signs and desired to punish them with pestilence and disinheritance (Numbers 14:11-12). God took this lack of faith seriously. Any time God punished in the Old Testament I take heed. Yes, due to Jesus' gift I will never be disinherited, but God still has the same grief over the sin. God must be grieved over my lack of faith.
After my pity cry, and a couple days of moping around feeling sorry for myself and my dashed plans, I had the epiphany while at a Bible study that I have so much to be thankful for. I have a degree, I am employable, I do not have a family depending on me, and I have parents who can take care of me until I find a job. I have absolutely no needs at the present time. God is being faithful to His promise to provide for my needs. Only my pride has needs, and that a need of the dead man not of the new creation.

How comforting in this post college season is the verse Philippians 1:6:

being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

In this time I must never forget Isaiah 45:2, which has sparked my confidence in courage since I went to Nicaragua and the verse became endeared to me. God promises that: 

I will go before you and will level the mountains; I will break down gates of bronze and cut through bars of iron. 

It has never been more true then now. I must defeat the doubts that claim God has abandoned me. For as Psalm 27:10 says, even if my father and mother abandon me, God will not. Such a love God possesses for me! 

God has done so much for me. God has done so much for people I know. Every Christ follower I know has at least 1 or 2 testimonies to the marvelous works of the Lord. His Word itself says He is faithful (Hebrews 13:5), and God does not lie (Hebrews 6:18). My proper and God pleasing response in this season is the below quote:
God is on His throne, God has plans, and God will do those plans. I know this with all of my heart. Through disappointment, rejection, doubt, self-doubt, weakness, trials, storms, and mistakes, I know God fulfills His plans. He will do this in my search for a nursing job in the crazy competitive world that is Houston's graduate nursing pool, and He will do it for you in your season and in your trial. It may seem like it is out of your hands, that can be of benefit, that leaves room for God's hands.

My last verse I want to share to help bolster your faith is Ephesians 3:20-21 which says:

 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

February 9, 2016

I Cannot Do This: Trials vs. Pride

A couple weeks ago I wrote a blog post about how self-doubt is harmful. You might wonder why I wrote a title for this blog post that appears to be the definition of self-doubt. Why did I write this title?

There is a fine line between not having self-doubt because you have assurance in yourself, and not having self-doubt because you have assurance in God. To have self-doubt means I do not believe I am worth helping and worth being useful to God. To have assurance in God is to have faith that God will empower you because of the relationship you have with Christ. The absence of self-doubt should not be a "I can do all things because I am wonderful" mindset. Rather, it is an "I can do all things through Him who gives me strength" mindset. A healthy absence of self-doubt says that though I cannot do this, God can and will.

This week I was studying the first few chapters of Revelation which contain the letters of Christ to 6 of the churches that existed at the time of the writing of Revelation. The study was written by Beth Moore and is part of her devotional titled John: 90 Days with the Beloved Disciple. She explains how each letter has a different flavor. Some have all commendation from Christ, others have mainly correction, and most have a mixture of both. In addition, when you look into the historical accounts of each city, the way the city acted reflects the message Christ had for them. For example, the church of Laodicia, written about in Revelation 3:14-22, was known for being in between two cities. One city was notable for hot water springs, the other for cold water springs. Since it was in between the two cities, Laodicia had water that was lukewarm. This city had the notable "because you are lukewarm - neither hot nor cold-  I am about to spit you out of my mouth" verse written about it. I love learning about these things!

When I was doing the study, the differences between the letter to Laodicia and the letter to Smyrna stood out to me. Besides telling Laodicia that they were lukewarm, Christ had even more to say. He said, "You say 'I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.' But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked" (Rev. 3:17). Ouch. Pride is spiritually harmful and causes us to spiritually resemble a wretched person.

Interestingly enough, Beth Moore records show that Laodicia did not just do this with God. They did this with the Roman government. The city had accumulated enough wealth that when hit by a devastating earthquake, they did not accept Rome's help. They believed they were were self-sufficient. The church must have carried that mindset over to God, letting their city's culture affect them more than was healthy. God did not have good things to say about what their self-sufficiency looked like to Him.

In contrast was the city of Smyrna. Christ said of them in Revelation 2:9, "I know your afflictions and your poverty- yet you are  rich!" The Bible does not say much about why they are rich, but I believe it has something to do with the fact that God is near to the broken hearted (Ps. 34:18). And that when we are humbled God lifts us up (James 4:10). The city was known for being highly persecuted, yet Christ still described them as rich.

What I gather from both churches is that trials bring spiritual richness. In order to fix themselves, God instructed Laodicia to "buy gold refined by fire" (Rev. 3:18). This alludes to trials and faith. God knew Laodicia needed testing and difficulty in order to grow in their faith and to let that growing show them how insufficient they were.

Older believers always amaze me. They make me wonder at how joyful and spirit filled they are compared to younger believers. Why are they like that? They have gone through enough of life to have experienced countless trials. As a result, they are spiritually rich.It reminds me of the verses in Romans 5:3-5 which says:

Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us

Trials are valuable. Though the world says hardships are to be dreaded, they actually are something to give thanks for. Why? They bring richness and growth to your Christian walk that could never happen another way. Who doesn't appreciate hope? Or character? I could use some hope. Hope helps in the next trials and gives assurance that God will come through and that He will equip. It gives an assurance that nothing will break you, because God is good. 

In our walk with Christ we can be in many places in regards to this. We could be the prideful citizens of Laodicia, or we could be currently going through a trial as a citizen of Smyrna. It is also possible to be on neutral ground experiencing neither pride nor trials. 

If you are on neutral ground, be careful to watch yourself for pride. 1 Corinthians 10:12 says, "So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall!" In addition, do not loose heart if you experience trials without having a pride problem. It's been my experience that God protects me from having pride by bringing me though a trial before pride has an opportunity to come. He does it to prepare me for bigger things, or any time I might do something people will praise. Trust God's timing, He truly knows what's up.

If you are a citizen of Laodicia, keep in mind the full instruction Christ gave the citizens of Laodicia. He said in Rev. 3:18, " I counsel you to buy from me gold refined in the fire, so you can become rich; and white clothes to wear, so you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes, so you can see." 

I take this to mean accept the trials and seek God's sufficiency through them. And while you're going through them, purify yourself by ridding yourself of what does not glorify God and renew your mind so you can see the world through the lenses of God's truth. When you see how in-sufficient you are compared to God's ability to equip and provide, the journey to rely on God is easier. 

Lastly, if you are a citizen of Smyrna take heart. The trial has a reason and God is near even if you do not feel Him. Although in the trial you often do not feel like working through it but just giving up, strive to do the next right thing. As you do the next right thing, trust God to equip you. You cannot make it through the trial, but you and God can. Though it may seem God does not equip in the moment of prayer, He will. 

It reminds me of the story of Peter walking on water. Peter didn't automatically walk on the water, he had to step out of the boat in faith. Then he had to focus on Christ ignoring the circumstances that caused doubt. Though he failed, the story was put there to encourage us to be different and succeed. Trust that God will hold you up, and continue to hold you up, until the trial is over. God is a Good Father, the giver of good gifts (Matthew 7:10-11), and our help (Psalm 33:20). God gives us all we need for life and godliness (2 Peter 1:3). He is so faithful and will see you through.

I love the fact that Christ told Smyrna He saw their trials. God sees where you are. He is not unaware. He is lovingly shaping trials to teach and shape you to have your assurance rest on Him. Though you may feel poor, you are rich! And will be richer because of this trial. 

February 2, 2016

Christ Has No Hands but Ours

A blessing about being home schooled was all the beautiful books I read for school. The thing I miss most right now are those books. Now that I am done with my core college history, government and English classes I hardly get exposed to new books.

In school, I was introduced to my current favorite book. It was a book that accompanied my high school anatomy curriculum. I wanted to prepare for all the anatomy that nursing requires so I took an extra year of science to do so. The curriculum I use often pairs Christian books with all types of courses, this was no different. I got a book called Fearfully and Wonderfully Made by Dr. Paul Brand and Philip Yancey. 

Dr. Paul Brand is one of the most fascinating, exemplary and God loving man I've heard of. He began working as a doctor for patients with leprosy while it still had a stigma attached to it here in America. Then he went on to move his study to India. In the fascinating studies he writes about doing in the book, from looking at live blood cells in a sedated albino bat's wing to performing stressful operations in inadequate situations in India, to being one of the first to realize leprosy caused loss of limbs because it damaged nerve endings. His love for his patients is shown in every story and it is an important read for any Christian wanting to go into the medical field.

The best part about him though was the deep and remarkable parallels he found between the human body and the Body of Christ. For example, how cell's represent sacrificial service or skin represents the task of showing love. I cannot do justice to all the wonderful insights the book has given me.

The part of the book that I want to share here is a little story he wrote at the end of the book about some students in Germany. After World War II there was a church that had been badly damaged. As the students began the work of rebuilding, they came across a statue of Jesus who's hands were blown off. They debated redoing the delicate task, but decided instead to make a statement. They left the hands untouched and wrote in a plaque under the statue "Christ Has No Hands but Ours."

This is the definition of the Body of Christ. To do what Christ would do if He were on earth right now. Thank goodness there is more than one Christian on earth, or else it would be too big of a task. But that is why there is the teaching of the Body having many parts. We do not have to do it all, just our part.

When Christ left He empowered. He gave gifts. He gave His Spirit. Each of us a specific gift. Each for a reason.

God has a task for each of us, and thank you Lord for the promise that we can be "confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus" (Philippians 1:6), and that "the Lord will fulfill his purpose for me" (Psalm 138:8). I've always taken a lot of comfort in the verse that says, "His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness" (2 Peter 1:3).

But is the Church truly living the way it should? Is it acting and living like Christ would? All we can do is work on ourselves, or gently encourage those we can.

All to often we focus on the classic "would Jesus watch that movie?" While I love and teach that, I want to enlarge the teaching. I want to use the positive form and talk about what Christ's life and purpose would be while on earth. If on earth, Jesus would be teaching. He would be tending to the sick. He would be at a hospitable and showing love. He would be evangelizing. He would be mentoring. He would be exhorting. He would be showing mercy. He would be giving insight from Scripture. He would be telling creative stories to show truths about God.

Doesn't that list look a lot like spiritual gifts and talents? Can you see yourself doing one of the acts Jesus did? Can you see yourself teaching as He did? Using clever ways to make biblical truths stick in the minds of listeners? What about tending to the sick as He did? The medical field utilizes this. They use the gift of mercy to realize the need and to not overlook those who could benefit from  help. If you are a creative person, you are being like Christ because you use
creative ways to show the truths about God. Christ used stories, you use poetry, painting, dance, theater, and more. Do you simply like to build into the lives of youth? Or even simply your children? You are being like Christ building into the lives of His disciples.

Be encouraged, there is no one way to serve God. I often become discouraged looking at all the different works to be done that I am not gifted at. I need to focus on what God has called me to and excelling at that. Christ served in many ways to set an example.

Understand though, that means we need to do what we are gifted to do. Start small, build up your experience. A new Christian with the gift of evangelism can't be expected to teach like Billy Graham. But you can do something. You can begin now. Christ having no hands but ours means He's entrusting this work to you. Reap the blessing of being used by God. It is worth having a purpose in this life. And, the Body needs you.

The teaching of the Body of Christ having many parts is there for a reason. It is too easy to slip into the mindset of being a one person ministry. Jesus could be a one person ministry because He was God. We are simply the hand or the foot or the eye. An eye doesn't look much like Jesus, the collection of body parts does. From experience I know a ministry cannot be run by yourself. I taught a Bible study where I had to serve like someone having the gifts of teaching, exhortation, prophecy, mercy, hospitality and leadership. Not exactly do-able, but I tried and got burned out. While God blessed my efforts in big ways, I suffered and my ministry had to stop. Had I brought more people in to lead with me, it could still be going right now.

One last thought to close is a poem I found while researching the story of the statue of Jesus with no hands. The poem is by Annie Johnston Flint who lived 1862-1932. It goes:

Christ has no hands but our hands to do His work today

He has no feet but our feet to lead men in the way

He has no tongue but our tongue to tell men how He died

He has no help but our help to bring them to His side.

We are the only Bible the careless world will read,

We are the sinner’s gospel; we are the scoffer’s creed;

We are the Lord’s last message, given in word and deed;

What if the type is crooked? What if the print is blurred?

What if our hands are busy with other work than His?

What if our feet are walking where sin’s allurement is?

What if our tongue is speaking of things His lips would spurn?

How can we hope to help Him or welcome His return?

I want to clarify, God is so powerful He will accomplish His purpose in spite of us. This should not cause us to not serve, but to want to be used toward the purposes of God.  I believe it is a great blessing to be used by God to accomplish big things. He wants to use you and to bless those around you because of your willingness. 

January 26, 2016

God's Love > Self-Doubt

I used to be so empowered. I look over my oldest blog posts and see how self-assured I was. The things I was writing and the verses I was claiming, they took a lot of guts. The fact I was leading a Bible study at 15 for girls my own age, and went on a month long mission trip to a foreign country with strangers. The whole time I felt self-assured enough to help lead Bible studies there and to keep and teach my belief system in the face of my team members' controversial beliefs. It was a lot for a 15 year old who hadn't exactly been away from home much.

I examine myself now and realize insecurities are not something you leave behind when you are in middle school. Oh no, it's a lifetime battle.

This summer I came face to face with a part of me I had never before, the side of me that was unequipped and unable. Usually when God has me undertake an assignment of His I may begin unequipped but He eventually gives me what I need to do it. Maybe some ability or some wisdom. This didn't happen one week at camp. It was during our Angel Tree week when we have only children of prisoners come to camp.

Angel Tree is one of our challenging weeks because the children come from some of the toughest home situations. They do not often show it, but you can tell because they simply refuse to let you love them. They do not want to let you get close and it breaks your heart. They act out in order to accomplish this goal. The boys fight and the girls both fight and cause drama. The girls I had in my cabin did both, but mostly caused drama. They spread rumors and lies about each other that were simply so hurtful to both the campers and us counselors (if we took it personally, which I did).

I went into Angel Tree thinking I was so discerning and would realizing any time they were doing this and if not, God would help. This is not what happened. I had to overly rely on other workers who had come with the kids, more than I perceived other cabins had to. I played right into each of their games, and felt so foolish. A week of it had me convinced I could never work with inner city kids again, nor could I minister to those with more difficult histories. That and I was convinced I was simply an idiot who should never work with kids again. My mind just saw the real me, a broken person who was nothing and who always messed up. Guess I had never really messed up in ministry before or needed a lot of help. And my brain ran away with the tiny bit of self doubt the girls caused me to have and spiraled into so many doubts and insecurities I had never had before. Past mistakes were remembered and piled up into a crippling pile of evidence for the way I was feeling.

What followed was a semester of serious doubt. I almost quit all of my ministries. I stopped ministering to friends.

God would not let this continue for long. It took a lot, but God began showing through the one ministry I continued, my 8th grade small group, that He could still speak through me. He could still use me to love.

The final push toward walking in victory was (surprise!) the Passion Conference. At it I felt one of the main truths they wanted us to gain was to live in victory. It culminated with Christine Caine's final session in which she spoke on how we need to be like Joshua 1 people and not Numbers 13 people. The Israelites in Numbers 13 would not take the land because they saw how difficult it was and how insufficient they were and so were crippled by fear. But Joshua 1 Israelites chose to be strong and courageous in Christ. She spoke on how we can live in victory and freedom because God is bigger than what people have done and said, and bigger than what we have done.

Christ is in me. He goes before me, watches my back behind me, and comforts and encourages me beside me. He even equips me through the Holy Spirit inside me. Even more, He loves me. So He lovingly brings me to His will doing nothing to destroy me, but to cause me joy and peace.

Yes, that week at camp is one of my worst experiences. And I might be tempted to doubt God's power because He didn't provide for me or live up to His promises. I can tell you He did though, I just lost sight of it. He provided wise women to sort through the drama for me, He enabled me to gain the girls respect when they were not emotional about drama (which was a majority of the time), and He let me lead one of the girls to the Lord and give assurance of salvation to many of the girls. Self-doubt is a big influence to have made me loose sight of all of these provisions from God.

Through all of the self doubt I had I had grown to hate myself. What a terrible decision. To hate what God had made? To hate how God made me? To say God had made mistakes in me? To do so is to claim God is not wise or loving. Yes, I am a sinner who needs God's equipping for everything, but I have Christ's blood permanently flowing though my veins. I am a new creation who is not weak and foolish anymore. I can say no to sin, I can live through the Spirit, I can claim God's promises. I am a part of the royal priesthood and holy nation, part of the light and not the dark. Never the dark. I am not defeated. That is contrary to my new nature. My new nature is to be victorious.

But how do we live in this new nature? It is truly simple. Let the truth be bigger than the lies. Surround yourself with the truth of Scripture. Through songs, following Christian Instagram users, studying scriptures, going to bible studies. Let God's Word be a significant part of your life so that the writing of Joshua 1:8 are true for you: "Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful." This was another reason Joshua 1 Israelites took the promised land, they meditated on scripture. Then the lies of their heart upon seeing the difficulty of the task was not bigger than the truth of God. 

On Facebook, my favorite author Ted Dekker wrote an analogy teaching what it looks like to be a Christian who does not live in victory and in the strength of God's promises. It would be like Clark Kent forgetting he is Superman. He lives a lie each day unaware or forgetful of just what he can do. He does not get to do the world saving he was meant to do. He does not get the privilege of living in that victory. 

After Passion I decided to combat those lies. I had always known that was what I should do, but I never did it. It was only after the precious story Christine Caine told about her daughter's first day of Kindergarten did I realize just how powerful it was. When Caine's daughter was little her dad always told her that she was beautiful, smart and loved every day. But the first day of Kindergarten a bully decided to pick on the daughter. He stole her pencil and said she was stupid, ugly and that he hated her. The daughter replied confidently saying, "that's not true, my dad say's I'm beautiful and smart."

Isn't that just how we are to be? When tempted to say no one loves us, or that we will never amount to anything to just declare, "I'm loved by God! He will fulfill His purpose for me!" But we must know the scripture to be able to declare the scripture. I've started on a simple way to fill my mind with God's promises. When I read the Bible or am at church I simply write down any and all promises that are for me, or anything that describe me in Christ. I put a heart by it and review it every quiet time until it's permanent in my mind. I also try to use it throughout the day. That is meditating on it. To meditate is to consider and ponder. Easy to do if you need it enough. Easy to do if you ask God to help you do it. 

January 18, 2016

A Christian's View of Philosophy 1301

Earlier this winter break I decided to sit down and write a letter to my philosophy professor. I had always wanted to avoid taking a philosophy class. Not because I feared loosing my faith (though I have heard too many stories where this is the case), but because it hurts my heart to be surrounded by teaching so far removed from the Bible. But as I researched prerequisites for nursing schools it seems philosophy is needed in a majority of them, so my choice was made for me. I had to take philosophy.

Through the whole class I knew I needed to do something for my professor. I had a few chances to say my perspective but never was able to fully explain what I knew I needed to tell him. After the class was over I knew what I needed to do: write a letter fully explaining how my view differed from his. But this was not to be some letter full of facts and debates. No, it needed to be loving. The reason I believe my professor could benefit from a letter was he truly needs love. The life the man leads is sad. He is nearing the end of his life and believes no one truly loves anyone unselfishly. He attempts to give meaning to his life though teaching, but none of his students respect him.

My goal of the letter was to show him a person who truly loves him, and to capture his attention through academics.

I pray that this letter can help you too. This is not just a letter to the professor but also a letter to you, especially if you do not know about the precious love God has for you. If you do know His love, I pray this helps you in any conversation you have with those in philosophy.

I also pray that if you are in a philosophy class this helps you get through. Philosophy classes are tricky. Philosophers sound very wise and can confuse Christian students easily if they are not careful to compare the teachings to the Bible. I was blessed to have studied verses and Christian teachings to help me, but many Christian students are not as blessed. I hope this letter can help you gain some Christian perspective in philosophy and inspires you to places where you can research and strengthen your faith.



I am writing this letter to you because I care. Philosophy is a study unlike many, but it is connected to a study I care very much about: theology. As I went through your class I made up my mind to not argue much because that would just cause undue stress for those in the class. If asked, I spoke up for my thoughts, but only if asked. Other times I spoke up when my views would not be easily found on google or social media. I believe often when Christians stand up for their beliefs in class everyone’s heart is hardened against them because students do not truly care about other’s views, especially views that are constantly ridiculed on social media. They just want to go home early and if I start a debate, they have to stay in class longer. But I know you desire to hear others’ views.

I am writing this letter to you because I care for your views. I noticed that many times over the course of the class my worldview did not match up with yours, and did not match up with your claims about the Christian worldview. For example, views on morality. You had said Christians view that one must follow laws set by another person, God, and they’d better follow them or else. That was close to the view before Christ, the Jews had to follow the whole law to the T, or else judgment and punishment came.  However, God wrote in ways for them to be pardoned from that judgment. God made the law to show that following the law to the T was just not possible. The Jews constantly messed up. One need only look at one of the historical accounts in the Bible, the book of Judges. No sooner did a good leader of the Jews die, the Jews would break God’s law in major ways. Then, God would save them from His punishment through another leader to show His grace. But the Jews would repeat the cycle and break the law again. This cycle repeated many times showing that people cannot keep God’s law. The apostle Paul wrote to the churches that God’s law was put into place not because we must keep it or else, but to make us aware of how immoral we are (Romans 7:7). God knows we cannot keep it, He wrote into His laws ways to gain His grace and forgiveness. The book of Hebrews sums up God’s view of how forgiveness is reached by stating that without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness (Hebrews 9:22). God wrote the animal sacrificial system into the law because He knew the Jews would break it. This way was imperfect because the Jews had to constantly sacrifice animals. But God counted them as righteous and moral because they attempted to follow that system of forgiveness. So, that is how the Jews reached heaven and were not punished for breaking the law.

Now, that was the old system. The new system that I and my fellow Christians are under is a perfect system with a once and for all sacrifice of Jesus Christ. I need only have that one sacrifice for my breaking of the law because Christ was my perfect sacrifice. Why? Jesus Christ was God in flesh, therefore the only one capable of not breaking God’s law, because God is perfect. God set up a life for a life system. My breaking of the law deserves someone, or something, to be punished. In the old way, an animal had to be punished. In the new way, Christ was killed. Then it is truly a life for a life. I no longer must follow the law or else. My whole punishment for breaking the law was taken away because of the perfect sacrifice. I will never have the punishment again because it was so perfect. But why is the law still there then? Just because I have no punishment does not mean it is not wrong. It still goes against what God has revealed to us would mess life up. To go against God’s law is like going against instructions to build furniture. Life does not work out if I go against it. God made me. He knows how I should best live. For example, one of the 10 commandments says to not commit adultery. Included in the original Hebrew word is fornication. Thus, I should not have sex before marriage. This is not easy to accept in my culture. A study performed in 1995 by Robert T. Michel and colleges, and presented in the book Sex in America, reported that those who wait until marriage to have sex report more sexual satisfaction (124-125). It is my view God knows this, and made His law accordingly. This is a difficult topic to come to grips with. We, in our rebelliousness do not want to be told what to do. This is the whole cause for that cycle of law breaking the Jews always went through. It took me much time to accept this idea and to let go of what I thought was best for me. What helped was considering a fish. A fish needs to stay in its boundaries of the water. Although freedom means it could go outside of the water, is that really best for it? It would die. God made the rules He did not to stifle humanity, but to give us a happy life. Many view God as a mean old man up in heaven dictating life. I counter that with this story of a fish. God loves humanity and wants us to be happy. So, in a nutshell, God gave a moral code to the followed so we can know what would give us a happy life. It was not given as a stingy set of rules to be followed or else. God gave a way for forgiveness. But that leads me to another teaching of yours that I would like to write about, your views on love.

I found the Grandfather’s letter to be very insightful. I do find that there is a selfishness to love. I love because a need is fulfilled. I’ve gotten into relationship drama because of this very fact. I was friends with a guy but the needs he fulfilled in my life led to feelings being developed. However, I believe there is one other type of love. This love is summed up best in one of the many Greek variants of love: agape. I think all of the other Greek words for love fit the love the grandfather wrote about, agape does not. Agape love is will over emotion. It is often described as sacrificial love or love without conditions. It needs nothing from the other person. It considers not itself, but the other person. It is a lot like Kant’s categorical imperative. It is doing what is right because it is right regardless of feeling or what one might get out of it. It is the love of a husband staying with and caring for his wife with cancer. He cannot gain anything from his wife. They cannot have sex, she cannot cook or care for him, and she is perhaps even unkind. She cannot talk to him about the arts because she is too tired. Why does he stay with her? Why is he at the hospital holding her hand? Is it because he has a need to nurture? He has kids he could nurture. Also, there is a point one has done all the nurture one can do. At this point, I argue that he had enough fulfillment of that desire a long time ago. The reward is not meeting the amount of work. Another could fulfill that need a lot easier. Perhaps he should get a cat or another wife. The only other explanation is he has agape love.

Agape love is the love God has for us. Some argue that God made mankind because He was lonely. He only loves us because we fulfill His desire. I say he could have traded us in for a new model easily. He has angels. He could have easily given up on us and washed His hands of our rebelliousness. Yet, God works everyday in mankind’s life. I see it everyday. I am a member of one of Lone Star’s clubs, Cru. Cru is a club of Christians at Lone Star that meets every Tuesday and Wednesday. What I hear about some of the members’ lives does not make sense. For example, one man was into drugs, alcohol, and partying before learning about God. Academics and study skills do not come naturally to him, nor has it been easy for him to learn- he’s struggling to make it through his Associates. Yet, he is one of our leaders. He is now living a life that God would very much approve of and he can understand theological concepts that are as difficult to understand as philosophy. His life is evidence that God is at work right now in mankind. He is not absent. He has not traded us in for some other model that did not make the same mistakes we did in some other world, nor has He given up on us. Because of His love, He has not abandoned us. I am not too na├»ve to think that it often seems like God has abandoned the world. I watch the news and the evidence is there. How could a loving God allow the world to be bad? Why does He not intervene? Why does He not intervene in our personal life to prevent death and mourning? At one time, mankind was free from the inability to follow God’s moral code. At one time we were all perfect. There was no death. Life was not corrupt. However, God gave us free will. By free will I mean the ability to choose right and wrong. To be presented with the choice to do a bad deed, but to choose not to do it. I know we have free will because I choose everyday to not do wrong actions. Yes, my choice is influenced by teachings I know previously, the type of day I’m having and the way my brain presents the choices, but I choose whether or not to listen. Even Eagleman said executive decisions are made by the consciousness. I highly doubt a man’s choice to rape a girl was made by his subconscious. Influenced, yes, but not made for him. God gave free will. Why? Robotic worshipers show no love to their maker. With that free will our representatives, Adam and Eve, showed that we would all choose to go against God if given the choice. I say representatives because we would each do the same if given the opportunity. They represented what we would do. Thus, we were punished to have a rebellious nature because of the choice of Adam and Eve. An illustration is to say that no one needs to teach a baby selfishness. Psychology agrees that kids start out bad or antisocial as psychology terms it. They must be taught to think of others and to have self control. God did not design it this way. He designed us to be in our nature good. But our representatives messed that up. Now, things that God did not design to happen occur: wars, death, sickness, etc. And they come to all, regardless of being a Christian or not, regardless of living in God’s moral code or not. Now, death is the natural course of life. Each is allotted a time to die. Now, people fight. All the chaos caused by them is due to their own rebelliousness against God’s ways. Now, natural disasters occur. When death was brought by our representatives, other punishments were as well. One of which was that the earth steadily gets worse and worse. One could be mad at God for even punishing Adam and Eve to begin with. But God is just. He must punish those who go against his moral code. We are in fact undeserving that God would even think to make a way of forgiveness and second chance. Yes, God’s act of making a way for forgiveness shows that He in fact loves us despite the need for punishment. In the book of Romans it says, “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8) Christ died not because of some selfish desire, but because God did not give up on us and wanted to make a way through our choice to mess life up.

A reason I was convinced to write this letter to you was I want you to know about this unselfish love. To live in a world where people only love you for selfishness is a life I would not want to live. Often, a mistake is made about the whole goal of Christ’s death. Many assume it was only to keep mankind from eternal punishment in hell. While this was accomplished, it is not the main goal. God’s main goal was for us to know His love. He did what He did so that mankind would seek Him and perhaps reach out for Him. He knows we have a need for love (Acts 7:27). We each have a God-shaped hole. That is the reason for the appetites and desires you speak on so much that control and ruin our lives. That is why we have sex with so many people, and try to numb our senses through drugs and alcohol.
That is why we yearn for academic and business success. None of these things satisfy and they never will. But Christ Jesus has said, "If any man is thirsty, let him come to Me and drink. He who believes in Me, as the Scripture said, 'From his innermost being shall flow rivers of living water” (John 7:37). Our breaking of the law prevents us from coming to Christ, but that is why His sacrifice was so significant. It opened up the way for us to come to Him, to be truly satisfied, and experience God’s love. Heaven is nice, to not be tired ever again and to never hurt again is wonderful, but the best thing is to be with God. To not have even the physical realm separate you from the one who loves you more than life itself. That is what I look forward to after death.

All of these things rest, however, on the belief in the existence of God and that Jesus Christ is God in flesh. The teaching that Jesus Christ is merely an enlightened man does not fit. A consideration of Jewish culture and belief leads to the elimination of that option for him. In C.S. Lewis’ book, Mere Christianity, Lewis states three options are available: liar, lunatic, or God. He says, “A man who was merely a man and said the sort of things Jesus said would not be a great moral teacher. He would either be a lunatic — on the level with the man who says he is a poached egg — or else he would be the Devil of Hell. You must make your choice. Either this man was, and is, the Son of God, or else a madman or something worse. You can shut him up for a fool, you can spit at him and kill him as a demon or you can fall at his feet and call him Lord and God.” Jesus Christ’s teachings led to his death. That is lunatic. Who would die for a lie? In addition, to lead so many to certain death would be the wickedest thing a person could do. Unless he was mad. A moral teacher of that day would not have said what he said, especially if he wanted to stay alive amidst people who killed people for lying about God or claiming to be God. The Jews were extremely sensitive to that matter. What did Jesus have to gain from doing this? Yet, Jesus did exist, archaeology confirms this as do eyewitness accounts stated in the Bible, and he did claim overtly to be God. One could argue the Bible is not accurate on such things. However, I have studied this, as have others. The conclusions on the authenticity of the Bible strongly support its truthfulness and accuracy. I will not discuss the evidence here. If you would like to know more I suggest reading More Than A Carpenter by Josh McDowell. This has been the most straight forward and thorough apologetic book I have read. It presents compelling arguments for the fact that Jesus Christ is indeed the Christ. That he was not merely enlightened, but that he was the enlightener. God Himself who took on flesh and made His dwelling among men. God’s way of revealing himself to mankind because He loves us.

I write this letter to you because of that love. The Bible says I can love because God first loved me. I am convinced of this love. I have nothing to gain from writing to you. I sit here during my Christmas break devoting time to writing all of this out. I could be reading a good book or on the internet, but I chose to write to you instead. Why? God loves you, and because of this I choose to show this love to you. I have listened to you for a semester observing what you possibly believe and set your life on. I want you to know of the different way that I have found. One I believe to be more satisfying. Jesus Christ came that we may have life, and have it to the full (John 10:10). He came for us to be able to live a life with God. To have a relationship with our Creator who loves us with agape love. I am praying for you that you will one day accept this love and this life. All it requires is to turn your mind around and accept these ideas about God, His love, His plan, His justice, and His way for your life. In the book of Acts it says, “Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord” (Acts 3:19-20).

On the other hand if you do not want this life, simply take this letter academically. I hope it gives you insight into a Christian’s view of philosophy.