Lately I've been really attacked by Satan. This poem kind of explains how I have been feeling and the spiritual walk I've been going on ever since I came home from Nicaragua. As of right now, I am good. I am not depressed. Who knows when that gust of wind called Satan's Discouragement will come around.
I've been talking to a friend today and I have been watching some Beth Moore videos. I am out of my pit for right now but I am teetering on the edge. I learned that it is possible to get out of where I am. No matter how I perceive it. God's word is truth- and He says He will get me out. I just need to be brave. I need to declare that it is for freedom that I have been set free. I need to rebuke Satan and tell him to go away. That is what I will do.
By Brooke Budewig
Tears fall down my face, as leaves fall off a tree.
That gust of wind comes - always without warning.
Yesterday all was well, as in the summertime.
Today, I am just a brown, shriveled-up leaf.
What was it You said about well-planted trees?
What was that about? And that peace in Your Presence?
I don't feel it now, as I cry by myself.
I desire it now. Don't let me down, Lord.
Though I desire, too, to wallow in it-
I know I must get out; there is something wrong.
All this is not normal- I need spring to come.
Why won't it come now- when I need it most?
So I wait, and slowly, my hope falls away.
One by one, as the tears fall, my hope falls too.
Defeat, after failure, after anxiousness.
When will this sad story have its tragic end?
This cannot be all I get from my toils;
There has to be more to life then this rejection.
My pit has frozen over in hopelessness.
I don't want to be like this; how can I stop?
Slightly- there is a change. I feel a warming.
Maybe life was not as hopeless as my tears.
My God wants to help me out of my despair.
It is time for me to feel no rejection.
I feel again that you can regain my trust.
You can change in me how I have been feeling.
Thus, with a hint of hope, I renew my trust.
From the depths of my icy pit- I call You.
"Give me a new heart of flesh, my Lord, my God.
Remove this hopeless one of pending defeat."
My Lord and Savior hears me and lifts me up.
I will not see defeat- He is on my side.